The days are long but the years are short -Gretchen Rubin

4 Years Ago...
I was working at a group home for teenage girl drug & alcohol addicts
I was single
I was lonely
I was confident that God had someone for me
I was dreaming about having a baby one day
I was repeatedly telling my sister-in-law that no, there was no chance I was going to consider dating DP because he was DP and I was out of his league and hell could freeze over a hundred times and I still wouldn't and are you kidding me???

3 Years Ago...
I was still working at a group home for teenage girl drug & alcohol addicts
I was still single
I was still lonely
I was still confident that God had someone for me
I was praying for the husband God had for me
I was still dreaming about one day becoming a mother
I was falling madly in love with a friend, someone I'd always foolishly thought I was too good for... Yes, DP.

2 Years Ago...
I was working at the school with the group home agency for teenage drug & alcohol addicts
I was a 2-week old newlywed
I was trying for a baby with DP
I was working on trusting DP and believing that he is on my side

1 Year Ago...
I wasn't working anymore
I was a 1-year old newlywed
I was 8-months pregnant
I was working on being able to admit when I'm wrong and apologizing

Now...
I have been married for 2-years to DP and everyday his humility, his meekness, and his pure heart confirm the fact that he is way out of my league
I am working as a stay at home mom to a 10-month old baby girl
I am having a much harder time being a mother than I ever would have thought
I am constantly doubting my decisions as a mother
I am without a doubt thankful that I can stay at home to raise and rear my baby girl
I am still working on apologizing when I'm wrong
I am working on anger issues

Re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-redux

I have a hard time falling asleep. So I thought, well maybe there's just too much zippin around in my head. I'm hoping that if I unload them regularly, perhaps I can then sleep peacefully? Here's hoping. Hoping that I won't fall off the writing wagon as I'm so oft to do. Hoping that writing will lay to rest all these busy thoughts. Hoping that God will speak to me as I draw out these tangled messes from my harried brain.

So here I am.

I have about 43u2897892534432 other blogs. Yes, the number is so great that even a letter fell in there. Yes, I'm one of those jerks with long abandoned urls, with the dozen someones - perhaps you - who are more deserving of it. 

In restarting a blog, I considered continuing on from my past blogs. However, as I read through posts with titles such as "favorite swear words" and "my heart is so dumb," I decided I needed a new beginning. Yes to remembering the heinous life that God rescued me from and being thankful for how His radical love has changed me. But no to letting those dark memories catch me by the ankles and letting myself get pushed around and discouraged by my past sins.

So here we go.